Who exactly am I and why do You love me so much? Perhaps, in the eyes of others, I'm no one special. Just a simple child, but I know that in Your eyes, I am special. I'm not great, I'm not smart, and I'm definitely not efficient. All I have that I can give to You is a heart full of love, and You filled it with plenty of dreams for this ministry that You entrusted to me.
Dear Youth Ministry,
I am not a perfect youth minister.
But that's all right, because being perfect is not what I'm aiming for. My aim is to be a good youth minister.
Good in a sense that I am reliable, not just to my fellow youth, but also to our elders. We need our elders as much as they need us young ones. Good in a sense that I have an understanding that this ministry was graciously entrusted to me, and I am always accountable for it. Good in a sense that I acknowledge my own shortcomings and not attempt to cover them up. I know my mistakes and I own up to them.
I am not a perfect youth minister. In fact, I am not the kind of youth minister I would want for you, for this ministry-- but I am always, always, always trying my best to be good-- good for you, good for the Church, good for Christ. I know my limitations. I can only do so much.
Our life hasn't been the easiest, we both know that. We're but a small plant in a pot amidst towering trees, and we await the day when we will be as tall as everyone else... But we both have to remember that all the high and mighty trees we look at were once little sprouts like we are now. All great and beautiful things take time, and we are taking ours as much as we can.
My heart is filled with so much love for you that even though our situation is challenging, love still outweighs the doubt, and I know doubt because I've experienced it a lot of times in this line of living. My heart is filled with so many hopes and dreams for you, hopes and dreams that our Father placed in my heart and hands so carefully and tenderly, and I can't wait for the days to come when we will all accomplish them and bring them to life.
We have tried many times indeed, and most often, we've only achieved very little... but we both know that no gift is too small in the eyes of the Lord. When our calls to fellowship fall on deaf ears, I can't help but think, "Why are you treating me, your servant, so harshly? What did I do to deserve this burden of all these people?" (Numbers 11:11) The burden of all these uninterested young people, that is. Of course nothing pains me more than to see you struggling with your uneven wings, unable to fully take flight. How many times have I blamed myself for that? It never stops. It can't be just them, but it has to be me as well. Not a day goes by that I don't think of you, of us.
I would be lying if I said that I wasn't afraid, because I truly am. Serving is the heart of this ministry, and I am afraid of not being able to live up to the service I promised to our Father. While it's true that my love for you outweighs all the doubt, I simply cannot deny its existence-- the doubt indeed rests in my heart as much love does-- but when I feel it gripping on me too tightly, I remember our Father's reminder in St. Paul's words, that "Perfect love casts out all fears." (1 John 4:18) And because He loved us so perfectly, we both know exactly how to love others, and we both know that love is what is needed-- what this place needs.
In the Gospel of Luke, Jesus spoke the words, "...From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked." (Luke 12:48) But have you thought about it? The "much will be demanded" is still so very little compared to the graces He has blessed you with. Perhaps the "entrusted with much" doesn't only mean blessings, but duties and responsibilities as well, and as youth ministers, we know fully well what our duty is.
The people placed a church in the middle of a rather cold and unwelcoming community. We are no strangers to this place. This is our home, after all. There had always been a great divide in our community, and that division has been the bane of this place for quite some time now. Surely you know by now that our home had been divided twice, once in 2014 and the most recent one just a few days ago. It was not at all a bad thing. In fact, it was a good thing and a good sign because it only means that the faith is continuously growing and thriving.
I myself made the mistake of judging our own community as a lost cause. I made the mistake of uttering the words, "These rich young people have no need for Christ in their lives. They have no space for Him at all!" This thought, along with the fact that our parish encompassed a number of "rich" communities, made me think oddly about what we are capable of. I unknowingly imposed a limit to what we are capable of doing, even though I know that we are truly capable of so much more.
But then I realized something... these couldn't be the words of a youth minister, not at all. Those words weren't very Christlike at all!
And for a moment, I was terrified of myself and how I thought of our situation. I remember the words of Jesus to Peter in the gospel today, when the latter objected his forthcoming sacrifice. "Get behind me, Satan! You are an obstacle to me. You are thinking not as God does, but as human beings do." (Matthew 16:23)
When I thought of what I said, I realized that my way of thinking had been clouded by plenty other things. I became obsessed with increasing the numbers instead of the quality of the youth.
My mother told me that indeed, my way of thinking was warped, and she was surprised to hear those words from me, as I was supposed to be more compassionate and understanding rather than spiteful and indignant. From there, she told me that just because they are poor doesn't mean that they need God more, or just because they are rich doesn't mean that they don't need God anymore. People, no matter what their status in life may be, will always have need for God, and who was I to determine how great or less they need Him? It was sad how I saw things from my standpoint and realized that perhaps I wasn't truly fit to be a youth minister. Like what I said, I am not the kind of youth minister I would want for you, for this ministry.
But how could I forget? How could I forget the moment when God told me that He had a purpose for me? Perhaps I may have lost my way, but I know for a fact that I can never lose my heart, no matter how daunting the situations can be. I'm sure that you know this as well. We who have been chosen and have been blessed were called to a greater purpose. And what is our purpose now? It's up to us now to lead those who still have yet to know who we live for, and to help them discover what their purpose is.
Fr. Steve Tynan said in a reflection book, "As long as we are listening and responding to God's call and allowing the Holy Spirit to empower us in living God's call, then that is what it means to be a disciple of Jesus." So you see, after acknowledging the presence of God in our lives, we are no longer just ordinary kids living ordinary lives, we are disciples of Jesus, we are youth ministers... and how blessed are we to have spent the best years of our lives in service of the One who called us?
Dear Youth Ministry, the gospel today says that, "Whoever wishes to come after me must deny himself, take up his cross, and follow me. For whoever wishes to save his life will lose it,but whoever loses his life for my sake will find it." (Matthew 16:25) On our different crosses are the faces of the people we love, and you, youth ministry, are carved on mine.
Dear Youth Ministry, I want you to know that I cannot win this world on my own. I am not a perfect youth minister, after all. But my heart, spirit, and mind are set, and I am just as determined as you are to win hearts for Christ. With Mary our Mother praying for us, and Jesus Christ Himself sending us, what's there that we can't do? May we always fight the good fight, and never stop holding the hopes and dreams that our Father gave us close to our hearts. I will be with you until I finally see you soar high.
Lots of love,
Ate Tony