"Blessed are the merciful, for they shall obtain mercy." - Matthew 5:7
Apart from Proverbs 3:5-6, this has also become my life verse. How could it not be,
after living and celebrating it for two weeks in a foreign country?
"You, dear young man, dear young woman, have you ever felt the gaze of everlasting love upon you, a gaze that looks beyond your sins, limitations and failings, and continues to have faith in you and to look upon your life with hope? Do you realize how precious you are to God, who has given you everything out of love? Saint Paul tells us that 'God proves his love for us in that, while we were still sinners, Christ died for us' (Romans 5:8). Do we really understand the power of these words?" - Pope Francis' message for the thirty-first World Youth Day 2016
July 11, 2013. Oh, to be a delegate would be such an honour! A day will come that I'll be chosen as well, it's not far off! #WYD
World Youth Day.
You know, looking back at that wonderful event, I realized that I never really got around to writing about it properly. Unlike everyone else in our group, I wasn't able to share our day-to-day agendas on Facebook. But to be honest, it gave me more time to reflect about the mystery of God's strange choice of a youth leader that is me.
I wasn't a particularly special specimen, I was more of a frequent face in diocesan activities, usually at Jet's request. I was once like the youth I serve now, heart full of spirit and body racked of excitement every time there was an activity we had to attend. World Youth Day was no exception. This event gave me the same kind of thrill every other diocesan activity gave me, but it opened up so much more for me.
It was a journey I hold so very close to my heart. For a moment, I believed that I could be the good youth minister that the Lord wanted me to be. Of course it also became an avenue and a call to a greater purpose. From being the parish youth ministry coordinator, I also became part of the Ministry for Youth Affairs. I refer to it as a call to a greater purpose because apart from serving home, I also serve the hundreds of young people in the Diocese of Antipolo, and oh, what a labor of love it is indeed.
August 26, 2015. World Youth Day is only mere months away and I am still contemplating my worthiness. I attended the pilgrims' first ever orientation and was seated there, not just contemplating my worthiness, but my entire existence as well. To think that three years ago I've only been dreaming about attending this wonderful experience of communing with the pope and Christ and fast forward three years later I'm already on my way. (Dearest Lord in heaven will I ever be ready for this?!) I'm trying not to forget stuff since our next meeting will be in two weeks' time and I am dreadful at remembering things. Passport processing is a drag, but I guess it's my fault for being a slow little chicken.
October 19, 2015. Proverbs 3:5-6 is my life verse. How it came to be is something I'll never know. All I know is that it's something I utter when I feel so hopeless(ly lost). On that night I was filling up the application form for World Youth Day, that's when everything came rushing into me.
All roads lead to World Youth Day, so I thought. I only realized now how clever God is and how He made things fall into place, how I took my failure to study at Miriam College as a way of redirection. Maybe He needed me nearby. Maybe He wanted me to stay close. Maybe... Oh, I don't know. No one really knows what God is thinking about, anyway, and why He chose me, of all people, is a mystery I'll surely enjoy (though painstakingly) solving.
What is World Youth Day for me anyway? Is it really just some sort of fan club that other people make out to be? Not really. I've said this a lot of times already, but for me, World Youth Day is a grand gathering of young children called to commune with the Pope and with Christ. I wish to join next year's World Youth Day so that I can bring home to my parish what I have gleaned from my communion and share it with my fellow young people in my parish. I believe that by joining next year's World Youth Day, my relationship with Christ (as well as with my fellow youth) will deepen even more, and I will receive a different kind of wisdom that I can share with my fellow youth. To be chosen to go to that event is an honor, as I will be going there in behalf of the young people from my parish who are as eager as I am to commune with Christ through the Pope.
...And the fact that I've been chosen still chills me to the bone. I've also said this a lot of times before, but to think that it's been three years since I first dreamed of being a delegate-- now, I'm a hopeful. I still haven't earned the privilege to be called a delegate, because I'm still far from that.
Of course I'm a sinner. There are days when I fall short from grace, but I somehow gotta accept the fact that I was set apart, chosen for a purpose I'll never understand yet. I have to work hard to earn this worthiness I will never deserve, but I don't think I need to be worthy-- I only need His grace. I believe now, when I heard Him whisper that He has chosen me. I am not my own anymore, but I am His, and my life is meaningless if I cannot find my meaning in Him.
Stop asking, "Why me?", Tony. His thoughts are greater than yours.
How blessed am I, right?
January 10, 2016. Of course there's World Youth Day to think about. I thank God that all of us in our group passed the initial screening. One day we all stopped being strangers and became brothers and sisters in Christ, which I think is a wonderful, wonderful blessing. I told myself that that's good, Tony. Surround yourself with people on the same mission as you. They will guide you to the right path, pull you up when you're falling behind, help you in times of need, protect you in the midst of persecution, and encourage you to always be the best you, because God deserves nothing but the best. (Tony Jamias 2015 lol) [...]
The DYD celebration last year was moving. Some people have lost hope in the young people of this generation, but they haven't seen this: an entire church reverberating with young people singing praises to God, being in total communion with Him. Perhaps my prayers had been so intense that God told me to do it, to take up this position and bring more young people to Him.
Jet and I spoke about this for two nights and a morning, and while he was perfectly fine with the set-up, I had second thoughts. What if the youth didn't like me? (Because I'm an expert at being unlike-d by people.) What if I scare them away? What if it doesn't work? What if in the middle of everything, God takes back His word because I'm not as worthy as He thought I was?
God told me to take heart. This will be the perfect opportunity to work on our PYM. If I wanted to encourage more young people to choose God instead of the world, He said that I had to work for them.
June 18, 2016. / July 10, 2016. I think no amount of preparation and rights of succession can prepare me for what's ahead, but with just the right amount of the grace of God, I'll be able to make it through.
In 2012, I was first commissioned as a lector of our parish. In 2014 I was selected as the secretary of our PPC. Some would consider my swift escalation a surprise, as the position of the secretary is of utmost importance, probably something that should be given to a "seasoned veteran". It was only this year that I became the Parish Youth Ministry coordinator, a position my church brother-friend Jet held for six years. When asked about my resignation, I simply tell people that anyone (qualified) can be the secretary, but not anyone can be a youth minister.
While youth was something we had abundantly, it was wisdom and spirituality that we needed to hone. I admit: I've held this position for six months yet I still have a difficult time relating to the other youths of the parish.
2013 was what I considered my "best" year. I've been sent to God knows how many talks, seminars, and formations that my year's been sprinkled with God's presence all throughout. By the end of that year, I was chosen by Fr. Joel to be the next PPC Secretary, a post I somehow wasn't allowed to decline. And the rest is history, as they say.
Fr. Joel, despite being much of a riddle to the people at church, was a book laid out in the open for me, or at least for Jet, Jeriel, and I. I still remember my first project with him: the 30th anniversary of the Diocese of Antipolo t-shirt design. It somehow became my signature work, despite working with other more projects. To make the long story short, Fr. Joel became a frequent presence in my life and he left a great impact in it that I felt my heart ache a little when he was transferred to Cainta. Why is that? Because he believed in me and in my skill when I couldn't believe in myself. He trusted those skills when I couldn't even trust in myself. Much of the trust I have in myself pretty much came from Fr. Joel, and so when we last met, he told me to "Get there (to Poland)."
Fr. Joel, I really am going.
Fr. Arnel and I, despite knowing each other for only a short time, have formed a still and quiet bond of trust (or at least I trust him, not sure if he trusts me, though hehe). It was at the start of his time that I became the parish youth ministry coordinator, and I think that it was a great leap of faith for him, entrusting a ministry to a total stranger, but I also think he thought wisely, as I'm no stranger to the parish.
World Youth Day. To think that we've dreamed about this for years, and how there were supposed to be three of us on our way there. (Hi, Jet and Jeriel.) Not even once in my life did I ever consider myself deserving or worthy of this grand experience. I've been coming and going to our frequent formations and the fact that I've been chosen still boggles me.
On our first formation, some fellow hopefuls lauded how I held the position of PPC Secretary, something far from theirs. They were youth leaders, youth ministers, active members of the youth... And I thought, where was I? Oh, there I was. I was so high up in the clouds that I had no idea what the state of our parish youth ministry was. I mean, I asked, but I never got involved.
Throughout our monthly WYD formations, I was swept away by everyone's stories about their youth ministries, but perhaps the moment that moved me the most was during the Diocesan Youth Day. The turning over of the DYD Cross required the physical strength of a parish youth ministry. Someone joked about our parish being the host, and we were only four in our parish.
That was when I was told by God, go and take heart.
It was no easy decision. Jet and I convened about this for days. While for others it seemed like I stepped ahead of him, he was actually more than willing to let me take the lead. We had no formal right of succession, no fancy turn-overs, just a continuation of the will of God, and my mission began ever so quietly.
You know, looking back again, I never really bought myself anything significant during our stay in Poland. Yes, I was blessed with generous sponsors, and I told myself that that didn't give me any right to spend their gift on myself. I know I bought myself a shirt (which I rarely wear, by the way). The only thing I'm sure I kind of splurged on was food (hahaha yes even though we had stubs). Papa was proud of me for my control, but I'd like to think that my thoughts were so focused on the event at hand.
Looking back at that event, I came to fully realize how truly blessed I am. I mean, I know for a fact that I've been blessed even before World Youth Day, but this was what I called the full circle. God has blessed me with the opportunity to see Him face-to-face: in the form of millions of young people whom He had called to meet as well. And because of that, I will spend the rest of my life giving back to Him (which I'm rather terrible at, to be honest). There's so much more I have to give back... To Him, Transfi, and the youth ministry. I'm not about to stop.
