Hello, you! A blessed and happy new year to you. It's still technically the new year since it's still the first quarter of the year, so allow me to give you my season's greetings! It certainly has been a while since my last broadcast post and I can say that both much and very little has happened in a span of two and a half months.
I've been trying to pick up healthy habits ever since the year started.
I've started focusing on work more, praying more often, journaling more often, washing my cups and plates as soon as I finish on them— the exercise part is something I'm still working on, but I have been cutting my sweets intake, which is pretty hard for someone with a sweet tooth such as myself. Every day, I find the opportunity to improve myself bit by bit, to love myself bit by bit, and to grow even more comfortable in my own skin. Loving myself and my flaws can only mean that no one can use them against me. Every good and bad choice has led me to where I am today and how I feel about myself is just a byproduct of that.
I can say that I'm much happier than I was the same time last year. Finding my smile
It's hard not to think of all the past mistakes I've made whenever someone new comes into my life. (But then again, this so-called mystery lover of mine is no mystery at all, if you look closely lol.)
I've learned a great deal about different lovers throughout the last decade. As much as it pains me to admit that I've grown old in the arms of men of odd temperaments, there's still always something new to learn, such as giving my young mystery lover all the space he needs to grow.
There's a need to strike a very delicate balance between having too little and too much space. Too little space can lead to suffocation, but too much space can result in indifference. He and I meet more often than everyone else, so it's important to keep enough space between each other, just enough to let him grow on his own while also letting him know that he's on my mind.
He does this well, seeing as we don't meet every day— but he never fails to remind me that I'm on his mind most of the time, by giving me the most random phone calls whenever he's about to head somewhere, sending me the corniest, most adorable messages whenever I least expect it, and appearing at my doorstep unexpectedly, all because he misses me.
He does all of that while allowing me all the room I need to do what I want. He doesn't feel entitled to my time even though he knows I'll always have more than enough for him. And that's where it hit me.
If there's one thing I learned after being in very colourful and messy long-term relationships for a decade, it's this one single thing: The person you love is their own person— They are their own person and not the idea in your head. Loving is not owning.
Don't love them so much that you blur the line where you end and they begin. Don't love them so much that you end up with nothing once they decide to leave. Don't love them so much that they overflow when you are together. Anything in excess is sin, after all.
I made the mistake of taking up so much space in my relationships that even I probably never grew in the right way. I know now that holding onto someone so tightly is not real love. And I know this because I've loved way too many people— all of whom have slipped from my grasp the moment they could. This is me learning from my own shortcomings.
Love them enough so that they can grow comfortably when they are with you, but don't ever take up their space. They are their own person before you came along and they will continue to be so even as you grow together.
I must say, though, the person I'm seeing right now... loving him is so easy. It's like coming home to a house full of laughter after a long day at work. It's like resting in a warm bed, the person beside me reassuring me that I worked hard enough and that I deserve a good night's sleep. It's like running towards a finish line after a long race, only to find him right beside me, matching his pace with mine. It's like... all the love I keep giving to the world finally found its way back to me... and isn't that such a wonderful thing to feel?
My family may never understand my obsession with attaining the perfectly harmonious married life, but I'm glad this guy I'm seeing gets it, and I guess that's what matters more now.
Now how do I conclude this post? I really don't have much to say anymore except how I sincerely hope the person you love now reciprocates your energy because you deserve it. As for me, I've had my fill of adoration for this week, so it's back to my Animal Crossing island for the meantime!
Love forever, Tony
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