Hello, friends! It's ya boi... Ok I get it. I seriously feel like adulthood is clutching me by the ankle even though I should've been dragged there years ago. We're halfway through the year, folks, but we aren't slowing down at all.
❤ Progress - Church and Ministry
Because of this development, though, my time with the kids in Transfi is so very, very limited. But I like how we're able to meet every once in a while and talk about life's randomness and our future plans for the youth ministry. One of our church kiddos and Knights of the Altar, Kyle, will be heading to the minor seminary in a few days' time and while I'm seriously heartbroken over this, at the same time I am also absolutely overjoyed because it's not everyday that I meet a kid with a heart for God and a soul for serving. I know that he'll make a great priest. Just like what I always tell myself, I believe in God's providence. I just need to put my heart in the right place.
Just look at how cute we are. Hihihihi.
I'd like to share something that's been going on in my head for quite a while now. When I was in World Youth Day with the rest of the group, three books were given to us along with the kit: the Pilgrim Guide, the Prayer Book, and the book entitled "Jesus Trusts in You: An Extraordinary Book on Divine Mercy". While I never really got to read them during those days in Poland, I was quite enamored with the last book, and found myself constantly reading it, because it was as if the entirety of its contents were laid out just for me.
One particular part which I found myself coming back to quite often was the mention of the "dark night" or as it says in the book, "a period in one's spiritual life when a soul feels rejected by God and the senses and the spirit are purified of the desires of this world." The darkness and the torment didn't seem so obvious at first, it was probably because I'm so great at concealing my true emotions. Everyone knows me as the girl who's always smiling brightly, so it's rather easy to dismiss the unseen anxiety.
There were both good and not-so-good things that happened to me this year, and perhaps part of it was the so-called dark night. I don't think I'm fully recovered from it. In fact, I feel like it isn't quite over yet. I know, even I'm weirded out by myself, that I experienced this at a time when I should be closest to God. A part of me was running and running and just running away from Him, even though I know that He only means well for me. (But I guess that's what bad kids do when they're caught doing something... bad?)
I know that somehow I still want to keep on running, but I also know deep down inside that there is no happiness apart from Him at all. I mean, I can be bad (or at least do a terrible job at it because let's face it: I know that I'm a good kid and the worst thing I've ever done is stay out until 11 pm) all I want, but there's no satisfaction there for me at all. It's strange because I think that being bad is boring, but at the same time I (still) can't be the goody-two-shoes church kiddo everyone expects me to be (not yet). I know that my true happiness rests in perfect union with God, and when I come to finally understand His will and purpose for me, that's when I can say that I am completely and truly the happiest, and perhaps, finally out of the dark night.
❤ Progress - Self
I know for a fact that I did well this year. I don't look much like an adult, or maybe sound like one, but here's a reminder that I turned 25 this May.
The last days of my summer is characterized by a lack of sleep and a scary increase of social anxiety. And after 412 days of summer, I am proud and elated to tell you all that I am officially employed. Good bye, bum days. Hello, working girl me! Because this will be my first job, allow me to feel a bit proud and whole lot anxious. (ﾉ･ｪ･)ﾉ
What's surprising is that I never expected to get the job, but I still did. Just to give you a little background on my new work: it'll require me to study summarization once again and perhaps challenge my listening skills. I'll be based in Ortigas, so you'll be seeing me around there more often.
I remember writing something about the city life while I was in Makati earlier this year. I don't know what to make out of myself at all.
There's a part of me that feels really lonely now that I finally found a job, like something's crying out from the inside. I didn't intend to stay a helpless, jobless daughter for a year and two months, but I enjoyed the freedom that came with the bum life. It was truly a colorful and fun-filled year, but as the saying goes, all good things must come to an end. (Bruh I'm going to work, not dying or anything.)
I want to face this new chapter of my life with clear eyes and the same bright smile I have all the time, and hopefully with enough enthusiasm to get me through the second half of the year.
Other than that, I think I can tell myself that I did good for the most part, but maybe I can do better. ( ◞･౪･) I hope that you're holding up well! Like what I said earlier, we're halfway through the year, so let's do our best!
