I had to be confined earlier this week.
It wasn't for the most drastic reasons, too. I thought I just needed sleep and some Diatabs because I was burning up with a fever and was shitting water the entire day. It turns out I was dehydrated (And according to the doctor's final diagnosis: Acute gastroenteritis with dehydration).
I had to be poked by needles four times on both my arms for blood tests and other health shit, but the worst of that was because my veins were too small. The nurses had to use child-sized needles and items on me, too. I cried, stupidly, not just because it hurt, but because for the love of all that is good, who the hell gets admitted to the hospital because of a rumbling stomach? The entire ordeal was especially humiliating because it's the first time in my entire life that I was confined and it had to be because of my incredibly sensitive stomach and my stupid self not listening to people when they tell me to drink water.
My hands were banged up pretty bad, too. I was basically crippled because they stuck the IV on my right hand after a vein popped on my left one. I had to rely on my left for basic stuff such as lifting my spoon to eat, pouring myself a cup of apple juice, brushing my teeth and even typing this piece. I felt terrible having to message my boss that I couldn't come in for a number of days (It's only my second week into this new job, after all) and I had to leave my teammates to work extra because I wasn't around. I remember lying awake in bed for a few minutes thinking of all the ways I can give back, but I hold my boss's word close to me after he told me to focus on getting better and get back at the team when I return to work.
Mom even had to cancel her work (with a new job and company as well) and slept on the tiny cot beside my hospital bed for the most part. I felt awful because at this day and age, it should be me taking care of her and not the other way around. She kept on singing the "C is for Cookie" song by Cookie Monster when she got her hands on an oat cookie. Of course any child would laugh at their mother's silly singing. I guess I am still pretty much a child. My mother's child, at least.
Of course, I'm absolutely elated that I wasn't diagnosed with diabetes or anything, since it runs in the family. A life without sugar? The Lord can take me now, thanks.
I spent two days eating rice porridge with ginger to taste and drinking apple juice and Pocari Sweat (which tastes awful, by the way). Like a child. You can't help but feel a certain kind of helplessness when you're stuck and confronted with a situation like this. Asking for help was never one of my strengths. I'm not the kind of person who still asks for help when I know I can manage stuff on my own. People at work know that. Everyone at church knows that, too. I only ask for help when I'm completely desperate and out of options (which is actually something people keep on telling me to change, but you know what they say: old habits die hard and my desperation will probably die with me before I even ask help from anyone).
However, this feeling of helplessness only draws you closer to the people you love. To the people who matter. To the people who care.
And of course, to Him, who awaits His hard-headed daughter's return.
For the record, while I did want to take a break, this isn't exactly the kind I had in mind. My arms sting from the needle pokes, the tape and the IV drip. My back hurts from all the lying down and the weight of this world I chose to carry around. This isn't exactly the next blog post I had in mind, either, but I still wanted to write about it, anyway.
I am thinking of shaving a slit on my one of my eyebrows, or this is probably just cabin fever. I've done nothing but annoy my mom by rattling out some of the food I want to eat but I can't. I can't wait to stretch my right hand and finally connect to the internet and watch my favourite teleserye clips. I can't wait to finally wash my hair and not look like a greasy nugget. I can't wait to appreciate and romanticise the hell out of my life once I'm finally discharged.
Most importantly, I'm gonna start drinking a shittonne of water even if I keep on pissing afterwards.